"I Know I Need To Move, But It Hurts Too Much!"

Somewhere around the age of 93, my father-in-law George, a robust Greek man, said the above words to me. He managed to continue living in his own two-story house (bedroom and bathroom upstairs, laundry in basement, living space in between) until most of his 97th year with only a few months seeking care after a fall. He’s been one of my mentors in several ways, including his ability to make conversation. But it’s the movement that has me interested. He really helped me see the benefit of continuing to move without pushing; to listen to the body and what it wants or doesn’t want. Eventually the movement battery of the body may just wind down and that rust on the battery is the pain that forces you to move less. Call it arthritis; call it tension, pain—to me, it’s the slowdown of energy caused by lack of movement.

Well, I’m 74 but I’ve been old since I was 37 and survived that plane wreck and have spent the years rehabilitating…so half of my life has been living in some degree of pain…and most of the time I’m reasonably good about staying on top of joy, energy and flexibility with healthy diet, exercise, energy expended and socialization. I’m falling down on those habits, picking up weight, and about two months ago did something that triggered an old ‘You’re got your left wrist stuck under a tree branch that you were trimming 20 feet in the air’ situation. It took some severe work to get that left arm and shoulder and wrist and elbow to decide they wanted to work again back in the day, and things have been great in that particular space until two months ago.

Was it little by little letting go of exercises, or did I let go of the exercises because the pain had gotten too great? Yes. And I have more sympathy for patrons from the past who have told me that once they were injured and couldn’t move, immediately they began gaining weight and it was the beginning of their lack of health. Believe me, I get it. I always got it, but now it’s come back to bite me in the shouders.

Two months ago, in addition to some stressful travels I was trying to swim what for me was quite a distance, in achievement mode instead of for the joy of moving. Wrong. I was sitting a lot and reading books or visiting my phone with terrible posture. Wrong. We took on several projects in our apartment involving sanding, priming and painting metal rails, lifting heavy pots of plants, keeping our street clean, dealing with sets of company…all, again, in achievement mode too much of the time. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I/we know better, and we both did it to ourselves. Aging gracefully includes staying moving, connected, etc. I aged poorly and quickly. My bad.

My biggest pain is a pain in the neck, physically and emotionally. I’ve had several severe traumas to that neck, including the tree incident, but a car wreck at age three when Grandpa rolled the car, and a great deal of fear around trying to learn to float and feeling fragile when my coach ‘let go’ and I thought I’d drown. So, I’m in a rehab phase to get both arms and shoulders to feel happy again. Most days between 20—45 minutes of stretching will give me a reasonable day; mornings are the worst. Each day I wake with pretty severe pain in both shoulders and an inability to lift them over my head.

I have sought medical help; scheduling with a physical therapist, a chiropractor, and a new primary care doc. But I continue to believe I’m going to be able to get these shoulders to decide to work with and for me again, with those helpers. If you’re realizing you have settled in to a more slow-moving lifestyle, I’d invite you to dig a bit, without overdoing and over achieving. Explore, but go inside, stretch it, move it, and breathe it.

These words are mostly for me, but I hope they will give others something to think about and perhaps act upon…good health to us all.

The Blood Pressure and The Breath

I’m almost intending to make a movie here, featuring a struggle between the breath ability and the lowering of blood pressure. Here’s my experiment this week. My blood pressure has been running a bit high, and as a child of a father whose first heart attack occurred when he was 54, I do pay attention to this fact, even though I try not to worry, since I know my inability to deal with stressors contributes to my BP going higher. So…

This week, on a particularly stressful day, I decided I needed to take five minutes and simply lie in bed, on my back, focusing on my breathing. But for the first time, I noticed a change in the way I was able to breathe. Before: my top number on the BP monitor was around 140, not the highest I’ve seen but the point at which I start wondering what I’m doing and how to manage things better. Anyway, I used a specific formula for breathing in and out. Gloria found this somewhere; not sure where she got it, but it’s this simple: Breathe in for four counts; hold breath for four counts. Exhale for eight counts; hold breath for four counts. Repeat…which I did for about five minutes.

However, here’s the new part! As I was breathing in, I found myself wanting to slow the count a bit, then to really try to expand my lungs even further. The result was twofold: first, I found I could continue expanding and getting deeper and deeper breaths and I could literally feel my lungs filling more fully. Then I noticed there came a point where I could no longer reach a count of four on that inbreath. It was work, and I found I had reached the top of my inbreath by three counts.

Two more interesting observations led me to work further. First, I noticed that as I got to the top of this longer and longer breath, I decided to try to tighten my core space, especially in my low back which is my problem spot due to old wreck issues. So with each inbreath, at the hold breath stage, I’d tighten my body and try to find a waist back tension and visualize the air finding that spot. Then, when I found I could no longer get the breath to travel deeper, I decided to focus on the four-count holding of breath after the eight counts of exhale. In that four-count holding, I did the same thing: I tried to tighten and find integrity in that deep line on the outbreath pause instead of the inbreath pause. So the two learnings were first, work to find the longer, deeper, slower breath and second, to learn to tighten and observe the body searching for my deep line on those holding breath pauses.

I used this technique for five minutes, then sat up and took my blood pressure. The change astonished me! I went from a first number of something like 140/87 to 101/60 in five minutes! My BP was almost too low! Possibly this is due to the fact that I’m on a mild dose of blood pressure medication to keep it lowered. For whatever reason, that may be the best five minutes I’ve spent in the last several years, as I now believe I have a new tool to use once or twice a day!

This morning, a day after I started writing this piece, I again checked morning BP and found it was 145/90! Ouch. I decided to lie down and breathe a bit. After taking only five breaths in this pattern of 4/4/8/4, my BP was 122/80, which I think is pretty good for only five breaths. This realization has led me to believe that every day must get some breath exercises in addition to my walking regimen and the other bits of workout I use.

Please know I’m no expert in this stuff, but I found something so simple and inexpensive to lower my BP and want to share with others. I think the count is good; doubtless there are other breath techniques that also help. But the concept of taking that held breath and checking into the body is what I believe made this technique work for me! I invite you to try it; I think you’ll feel the calm and the ability to stand up with less pressure on your systems. I’d love to hear your response if you try the technique! I think it could save many of us a low-cost but possibly unnesseary dose of medication. Good luck!

Creating Satisfaction

I would love to live in a world where more people feel satisfied with who and where they are in time and space. I would love to help each of us realize we’re in charge of creating such a world. And personally, I believe that if we could find such a space within each of us, we would have a much friendlier world.

Gloria and I have begun spending about four months a year at our home in Crete, the largest of the islands of Greece. We live on the east or quiet end of the island, in a primarily Greek neighborhood—a few folks have English, but day to day is conducted in Greek, which is fairly easy for Gloria and difficult for me. I don’t mind; first, it’s taxing my brain to search for the right words to be understood, then I must really strive to understand what comes back to me. I love the challenge. But more than the challenge I love the feel of community there.

On this past trip we were not only gifted with lemons, oranges and other fruits, but also raki (liquor local to Crete), family olive oil from a new friend, and other kindnesses. My 86 year old neighbor brings me cheese pies or toasted sandwiches every morning for breakfast! We have been made to feel a part of the community there. We’ve even joined a community choir. While we’re singing in English, Latin, French, German and Ukranian, the entire rehearsal is conducted in Greek and I have to admit I’m lost. But we’re having fun! And as we have moved into the community we are feeling more and more grateful. In a town of 12,000 we feel we’ve found our place and our community.

Is our place perfect? Only to us. Is the apartment far up the hill, creating some long walks? Yes, but that’s part of the charm and it keeps us more fit. Do we love our neighbors? Absolutely! Because, for me, it feels like the community spirit I grew up feeling in a country neighborhood centered around the one room schoolhouse sixty years ago. We all took care of each other back in those days, and we do this in Crete as well.

I’m reminded of an early trip where we invited our realtor to dinner. We were discussing this aspect of sharing everything to help each other survive, and Vaitsa said, “We have a word…arxeto…it means enough, and we believe we always have enough.” What a marvelous concept! I so wish more of us could learn to be grateful for what we have, but also to remember to feel happy about sharing that fortune.

As I look at the US, and indeed, the entire world, it seems greed is the motivator for so many, followed by that feeling that I need more…more money, more status, more power. What would the world feel like if we could all realize “I have enough.”? What would the world feel like if that top twenty billionaires decided to stop collecting all the money and share with those who are without means and don’t have enough? It’s a tricky question, one I doubt will be answered soon.

So what can I do personally? I can share what I have. I can create community, I can affirm to self that I am enough and have enough, so I don’t have to compete for the very air of the world. I can remember to feel satisfied by the output I have given in my world, and feel appreciation for not only myself, but those around me who are doing their best to remember to remain satisfied as they have ‘enough’.

It’s easy to want more, and it can be addictive to try to collect more. It can also be freeing to realize there’s enough, and remember to share as much as possible. Perhaps you don’t need to bring breakfast to your neighbor each morning, but more kind greetings to those around you, more ability to feel the gratitude and create more satisfaction…I’m doing this for myself and encouraging those around me to do the same. I hope you’ll start practicing the art of being satisfied.

My Favorite Affirmation....

I’ve spent years thinking about and playing with the benefit of using affirmations. I have some opinions and rules; first among them is: one doesn’t get far using affirmations unless one first uses denials. In other words, I don’t think it’s fair to say ‘I’m not sick’ when I truly am, thus pretending to be well instead of acknowledging the illness. I believe in the denial aspect. First, I think, we need to acknowledge the problem, weakness, need. After we acknowledge, then it’s time to deny that problem: Let’s not say "I’m not sick”. Let’s say “Even though I don’t feel well, this sickness has no power over me and I now claim my health and happiness.” See the difference? Acknowledging there’s a problem isn’t giving power to the problem; it’s giving power to the idea that I can get away from and through that problem.

So for years, one of my favorite affirmations is quite simple: “I am worthy of self-respect.” Based on an experience in my basic Rolf training in 1986, I was touched at the core by one of my instructors who triggered something deep, sad, fearful and unacknowledged in me. A two minute touch to my costal arch, below the rib cage, caused me to cry uncontrollably for about three hours during a course. Though the feelings were pre-verbal, if I assigned words to the feelings, they were something like ‘I’m not good enough; I don’t do enough; They don’t want me here; I shouldn’t have come.”

Even though I was enjoying the course, some deep old hurt in me didn’t know how to affirm that I deserved to take up space. And it’s taken me some years to find that belief that of course, I deserve good things in my life.

In the Bible, when Moses comes face to face with God and asks His name, God says “My name is I AM.” And in the commandments delivered to Moses, one important commandment is “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” If we think about that concept, can you see that perhaps God is telling us not to profane his name, his I AM, by using negative self-talk, thus cursing God? For me, this is a powerful concept. So I’m careful what I attach to my I am….not I’m sick, I’m poor, I’m depressed, but I’m happy, I’m prosperous, I’m abundant.

And thus my favorite affirmation: “I am worthy of self respect.” This can be a difficult statement to make to ones self; in the mirror, thinking it, sharing it with another—any way we consider the words, we may trigger negative self-talk. How do we believe we are worthy of self respect? Using the words of affirmation, focusing on the feeling of self-love, and acting as if the world wants us to have good things—when we can focus on that idea of self-love, self respect, and satisfaction with our world and the world around us, we not only create a happier life for us, but also for those around us.

So, if and when we’re having problems believing we’re good enough, or happy enough, or smart enough, or we find we believe in our lack instead of our abundance, I invite us all to come back to feeling our worth and self-respect. We can, and will, fall ‘off the wagon’ on occasion and not believe in the self; but we can also learn to focus on the affirmative belief that we can deny those feelings of worthlessness and find instead the feeling and believe of self-esteem. I AM worthy—how about you?

Sink Those Toes in the Sand!

I’ve just come home to Springfield after three weeks in Negril, Jamaica; my February home. I believe I first visited in 2003, so now it’s been over 20 years that I’ve returned to the same place to dig my toes into the sand.

I love walking a beach. Last year, due to a ‘stretching injury’ when I arrived and decided I needed to work harder, I was nearly unable to walk! It was all I could do to get about a quarter mile to the grocery store nearby, on a brick sidewalk, let alone travel on the beach. And the winter before, I had been recovering from a medical procedure and was unable to walk long distances…so I was VERY happy to be able to walk up to five miles a day on this trip!

What I’ve realized/what I feel is that allowing myself to literally focus on sinking each foot more deeply into the sand, then working a bit to toe off more sharply, seems to put more resilience into my legs, but also allows me to focus on which parts of my foot touch the sand and which parts try to stay away from it. Then, I’m able to adjust my footfall so I can more fully use my entire body. It sounds a bit too esoteric, I know…but it works. I’m always refreshed when I get back to a walkable beach (Negril is 7 miles long!) then focus on my walk for some distance…less interested in how far I’ve gone and more interested in how deeply I pay attention to my footsteps. I imagine I sometimes look like a crazy person. I don’t care; I’m interested in using my footsteps to give myself a massage in that loving sand for as long as I’m able. And clearly, walking in the water is a great way to go as well.

This year, there had been a large storm just before I arrived and the beaches were covered with more seaweed than I’ve ever seen in Negril, so I stayed off the beach for the first week. By the time I left however, I was happily trekking two miles up to stretch, bob in the surf, take the sun cure, then make that lovely beach walk back home.

I realize not everyone has the chance to barefoot walk on a beach all the time, but what about barefoot walking wherever one is, focusing on that use of the entire foot to exercise the entire body using attention to the feet. Sand helps: awareness helps even more. Sink in, enjoy, and spring out into the world, whether on the beach or not!

Ready! Fire! AIM!!!

This morning as I start my second cup of coffee, this title becomes the mantra I’ve decided too many of us use as we go through life. One of the reasons I like Crete is the feeling of both neighborliness where we live, but also that sense of relaxation I can find in nature there. I have less tasks to accomplish, take more satisfaction from each small one, and have nicer blood pressure readings—I think, because I get the above order correct instead of what you see in the title.

Interestingly, I often accuse my partner of using the ready/fire/aim order as she sets out. While I strongly expect she’ll outlive me, I’m aware that I may be left to clean this mess simply because she often moves forward without thinking through what she’s doing, For example, years ago while changing the light bulb over the garage door, she forgot she was on a stool that sat on a chair, and stepped off the stool to land on concrete a bit further down than she expected. That kind of ready/fire/aim makes her a candidate to find some way to foolishly injure herself, leaving me to aim towards cleaning up our past.

Well, I point this out because I’ve always believed that when one points a finger at someone else, three come back to accuse you. So I have to honestly look to see that I an exhibit this trait as well. I think if each of us was honest with self, they’d realize they are somewhere on a spectrum in terms of impulsiveness seen by or perceived from another; as careless. Their ‘antagonistic’ side or even enemy, for want of better words in the moment, would be deliberative person. To the impulsive person, to be deliberative translates to being slow and thus dull! And this morning I realized a major and deep pattern of ready/fire/aim that has prompted this blog. I’ll start there, and see where we land.

I usually get a mile walk in laps around my house, sometimes followed by a good workout. This morning, somewhere after the walk but as I was ready to get the coffee down to the computer, I had a quick flash of insight that I’ve had and lost many times. I realized I got ready for my day in the order the title defines. I stood up and started moving before I thought to put my body on straight. Wow. What a remembrance!

My mentor from the Rolf Institute/Guild for Structural Integration in Rolf training was Emmet Hutchins, now deceased. He carried the torch for Ida Rolf’s dedication to ‘the line’. While everyone has their concept or definition of this line, for me it’s an imaginary line that goes from the top of the head, thru the spine, dividing at the pelvis to travel down the inside of each leg and eventually into a spot between and behind the first and second toes; called Bubbling Spring in Chinese medicine. The point of the ‘aim’ step in this process of finding it is to stand and put the blocks of head, heart, gut and groin in the longest, straightest line one can imagine. Often one can think head upbacklong. Waist downback. Groin downfront. Gut straightbackslightup. Find that spot as close as you can, hold that spot, beathe a while, and only then move from that spot. As you go about life, hopefully you can feel a difference in energy and attitude.

For me, this mis-fire, (above title) suggests that around the world, individually but also as a society, we’d benefit if we’d each to take that moment to aim. It might look like this:

• Physical: Groaning out of bed, standing, then going in a body that got no warmup could be replaced with groaning, stretching in bed, getting out of bed and sitting long enough to feel your body, standing, finding that line, thinking long enough to know where you’re headed, then striking out. While this seems foolish to break down thus, if you reflect, chances are you can see this would do no harm and well may do good.

• Mental: Knowing one’s boundaries before getting into situations, in more and more of time and life (this is called aiming!). None of us will always have the perfect words at hand to deflect someone who wants to take away our balance, but we can learn, even if it’s only through “,,,I should have said….” With aim, we can get better. With practice, we get closer to perfect.

• Emotional: Realize that some sources including Mister Live to 100 and Blue Zone diet say four commonalities are found in people whose population in a specific geographic area is notably long-lived: diet, exercise, social connection and purpose. I feel like most of us fall down on at least two of those traits that keep one going for a longer and happier time. But focus on the last two…staying emotionally connected and focused on where and why one wants to go (AIM!) This suggests to me we could benefit from getting out of the hand-held and shrinking , socially disconnected life too many of us lead in some kind of fear, or in the overachieving result for some of us: that old “I’m not good enough) feeling.

• Affirmations: Nothing like that groan above to get one off to a great start! What about instead something as simple as “I’m good enough, and I have the energy for the day…? Or either half of that affirmation could help one move into a more thoughtful awareness of bodymindcore.

I have many more thoughts about how these words from the title and their order could change the world for the better. I think we’d be in better shape if more of us aimed more carefully at what we’re wanting, with slow and patient reflection before pulling the trigger. In politics. Corporations. Climate. Pandemic. On and on….so many ways I’d like to see this idea applied in more situations.

Thoughts Out, Awareness In, Then Reach, Rest and Explore

Since we all teach what we need to learn (in my opinion), I’m going to start this new year talking about something I need to remember on this and every page of the year. I’ve learned it; I lose it; when I’m lucky and I pursue it I find it again. Yesterday and the day before I realized how lost I was, then I found my way back with the above title words. Let me explain what I think I’ve rediscovered; I hope it helps you with whatever aches and pains another year brings or deepens, in your reality.

Most who know me know I damaged my body pretty badly years ago when a small plane went down hard and fast, minus any gas. I gained a compression fracture in my low back at the first lumbar bone (a pretty fragile bone in terms of nerve function), a broken sacrum, a deep gash in my forehead from the dashboard impact, and some paralysis of my left leg. These days, most of that is truly behind me. And yet….

I have back and left leg problems from time to time, and sometimes, all the time. I’ve been sitting in one of those funks where nothing I do or anyone else offers can make that pain diminish to what I consider an easily tolerable level. I know stress of any kind enhances my awareness of the tension/pain/something’s-not-right-in-my-body, or in my mind. So for about a month I’ve felt like my body won’t work for me, but the realization and attitude bring me some success. The stretches from the last two days seem to have brought me back into the bodymindcore, and I’m feeling very acceptable to myself. So what did I do? The above….as the title says.

First, I found a warm and sunny place; our east-facing sun room. Then I got into very comfortable and minimal clothes and lay on my sit up bench, which has been avoided for the last two months, and just allowed myself to hang backwards to open the spine in an extended, stomach forward and shoulders/arms/head dropped to the floor. I stayed in this position perhaps a minute and a half, allowing myself to stretch and breathe and try to allow the individual spinal bones all the way up and down, to relax. (you may know I have a fusion from T10—L3, so it’s hard to get the spine to open and relax. It’s also marvelous when places you thought were fused make satisfying individual noises). After a bit of time here, breathing, stretching, and trying to find each segment and give it breath and awareness, I move on to my next place. So I’ll lie on my back on the floor and use the first of two pieces of equipment I like; pieces take up little space when not in use.

I may start with a roller for neck, back, spine—wherever you want to work. I like moving all the way up and down the spine: I may use it specifically to get neck to relax, or open the shoulder girdles, or heart hinge, or low back. There are several tools we can use for this opening. Mine is rather hard and has little ‘goose bumps’ all around the two humps that can push up or make the spine long, according to what you’re trying to find and restore. One could simply put two tennis balls in some stocking that would keep them fairly close together, then use them the same way. Sometimes instead I use what I call a ‘dog bone’ pillow; about 12—14 inches long and shaped like a dog bone. Whichever I’m using, I focus on breath and stretch.

BUT I also focus on the title’s words, and they truly enhance what I’m exploring and releasing in or from the bodymindcore: Thoughts Out. This means, don’t think about any other stuff. Think only about your body and the task at hand, and if you must think, think how much you want to feel. Call it meditation if you want. I feel it’s a strong focus away from that which won’t let you find your own body. If we really concentrate on letting go of all thoughts except for those that calmly ask the condition of our body vessel, we learn so much more, and are ready to act! So whether I’m using double bump tool or this next one, I also work to find focus on that internal I am instead of the external one. That’s where Awareness In happens. That’s what must be the ‘in the zone’ feeling we hear athletes talking about, and happily I’ve experience short and slow-motion bits of that euphoria/internal awareness when swimming in a reasonably calm sea.

Another favorite tool is a stretching strap with a stirrup on each end and a good stretchable but strong cord with a soft covering. I’m lying on my back on the floor with feet in the stirrups and the middle of the cord behind my neck. Now, the strap I have treats me well; I like deep work and this lets me stretch the deep unconscious places and ask them to wake again. If one can’t find a strap with stirrups, any strap will do as long as you hold ends at a tension that lets you stretch and explore. I imagine each of us has to find the appropriate length to get the tension they can work with; but explore the tension as well as the position, with movements, while you’re in that Awareness In mode. And I’ve literally brought us to what we’re already trying to do: Reach, Rest and Explore.

This is a hard world in which to rest, and either we feel safer if we don’t explore, or we get caught in one of the several realities people inhabit, losing both our identity but also our ability to rest and re-find. Or maybe it’s finding for the first time, our deeper self. I found for myself and am trying to share with others because it’s helped me so much, the idea that when we can channel our thought away from the external world, into the internal world, and examine whatever we find, without judgment, as we move and explore our personal, nobody-knows-me-body and its tensions and freedoms. May we stay in those areas, with breath, and with movement until we find something that suggest we want and need to hold it, stretch it, breathe it, and let it talk to you/me/us.

We don’t do this. We don’t know how to do this. I believe we need to learn how to do this, as we learn to adapt to a changing world that causes us to hold our breath tighter and tighter. Obviously we all have to live in the uncertain world we now inhabit, but the more we can learn to leave the outside outside, go inside and rest, stretch and explore, and think and feel how to bring breath and awareness into all the places: the happy ones and the troubled ones.

What I think I know: When I let myself really pay attention to who I am, what I’m doing or not doing, and go inside myself fairly fearlessly, I find the places that want to remain shut. I try to find my way in, even when I’m scared of what I’ll find or do. But I believe, with all my heart, that growth happens when we go look at that old ugly pain and face it, feel it, and guide your prayers and thoughts so as to free it.

I hope this new year brings you, and me, and everyone including those I dislike, the opportunities to go deeply inside, try to heal the hurts with breath, stretch, thought and feeling, and acceptance. Let’s all go forth, trying to remember to go inside sometimes instead of getting sucked out of our soul and too deep into the world’s problems. Don’t lose the outer world; just don’t let yourself either believe in it or get sucked into it totally…The same goes for the inner world; don’t live there exclusively either! But learn to live comfortably in both. Think about that title…

.Happy New Year from Noah and CORE Fascial Release

A Degenerated Connective Tissue Network

Those who’ve followed me for any length of time know that I’m a peculiar thinker…for me, it’s important to try to find commonalities between systems or ideas and see if I can find ‘rules for the work’ that apply equally through systems. Today I’d like to share some thoughts on how in both bodywork, and the politics of the world today, we could apply a few rules that would help us create a healthier personal world and a healthier overall planet. I know it’s a stretch, but if you have a minute, take a read.

My bodywork is based on the connective tissue network, which personally I feel is the communication system through the body. When it is clear, hydrated, and supple, life in that body is better. I think the same is true in the interpersonal world. When communication and relationship is clear, lubricated and supple, we can achieve much more in this world, in my thinking. I practiced deep tissue bodywork, fascial release work, for 37 years and recently let go…when I worked and when I taught bodywork skills to engaged students, I presented some simple rules. They are as follows, simplified:

• Coax, don’t force. Remember to allow the other person to control their reactions.

• If a little is good, a lot may or may not be better. Don’t ask anyone to change everything, all at once.

• Whenever possible, engage your partner with breath and movement. While this applies more specifically to bodywork, I believe it’s important in any relationship.

• Talk to the partner! And be sure to remember that talking to another is much more successful if one also listens to and validates the right to disagree with each other.

• Give that partner one or two things to take out of your time together, to ponder, to perhaps make subtle changes in their thinking and habits.

• Let go, without judging who they are and how right or wrong they may be.

Now, lately I’ve been realizing that I’m very worried about the state of not only the US, but nearly every place in the world seems to be having political problem., In my thinking, these problems are often brought on by people at the ‘top’ who continue to strive to accrue all the power—their way or the highway. Whether it’s politics, pandemics, climate change, religion, or nearly any system or trauma we’ve absorbed, there are those who continue to strive to control…and striving to control is what seems to have created the worldwide mess we’re in.

Therefore, I’d like us all to have a visit back to the ideas above. How can we enhance our own personal world and our shared world view so we work together instead of at odds, trying to force our opinions on all others? Go back to the above ‘rules for my work’.

• Coax, don’t force. Do you see how arguing loudly and long doesn’t usually create any change in that other, that partner, and too often that person is then seen as the opponent? If we could learn to create a safe space to talk with another, respecting their right to a different opinion, listening to that opinion, restating what we think we’ve heard with respect, chances are we’d have a better chance at helping another make changes that we feel could enhance them and us.

• If a little is good, a lot may or may not be better. No one wants to be browbeaten by someone else’s opinion, particularly when they’ve not asked for that opinion in the first place! No one needs to ‘eat an elephant’ all at once to make you happy.

• Engage that partner with breath and movement. This actually fits the model for talking to others about the difficult issues of the day as well as it fits in bodywork. First, one can tell when someone stops breathing because they become tighter, and more rigid. When you don’t see or feel the flow of energy in your partner, they’re defending against you instead of absorbing what you have to say.

• Talking to the partner means a) you talk respectfully to them about your concerns or ideas and b) you listen, reflectively, to what they have to say. Then, with as much respect as possible, you attempt to restate what you think they are conveying to you. When you misinterpret and are corrected, can you continue to try to validate their ideas and thoughts, whether you agree or not?

• Give your partner one or two ideas to ‘chew on’ when you disengage. Don’t expect them to understand and remember all your so-called ‘important talking points’. Give them just one or two things that they can take away, so they can ponder when they’re alone, or with others.

• Let go. Don’t carry a grudge because someone doesn’t ‘get you’. Allow them to be who they are as you strive to be your authentic self as well.

In the ‘good old days’, which actually are only 20 or so years ago, our members of Congress might not like a colleague who sat across the aisle, but they didn’t seem to go out of their way to humiliate and destroy their ‘opponents’. We have many historical examples of how people of opposite parties or viewpoints managed to maintain healthy friendships and relationships, even when disagreement was strong. Why don’t we bring back that concept?

It seems we all have opinions as to how to work for the good of all…sadly, some seem to be more interested in fulfilling their individual needs more than the needs of all. Somewhere in the middle, there’s hopefully a place where everyone can feel heard, validated, and a person, a group, or two people, can make an informed, caring, and well-thought-out decision. Can we return to those days? Can we choose civility again?

P.N. Forni has written a small book; Choosing Civility, and it’s delightful. When I asked him for his ‘sound bite’ definition of civility, he replied: ‘Benevolent regard for others’. Wow. That’s it in a nutshell.

So you see, if you respect your partner, coax them to release their trauma, don’t get overfocused on changing them, monitor how present they are by watching breath and body tension, talk to them in a reflective style so they feel safe to express, then leave them with something to think about, and let them go about their business, I think you’re helping us all!

Finding Balance in Aging

This topic is on my mind a lot lately! First, I’m approaching 73 and have been living 36 years in a fairly damaged body, brought on by the plane crash in 1987. So I’ve learned both to live with some pain, but also to find what I call ‘work arounds’, meaning how to keep legs supple, how to manage pain, how to wear a brace on long stretches of stress, how to budget energies, for examples.

But lately as I explore my advanced years, I realize that there’s a fine line; a balance point. On the one hand, I can feel myself shrinking my universe as I withdraw from society and work. Where I used to happily take risks, climb on the roof to clean gutters or trim trees, or travel alone to strange and difficult places; these days I’m more likely to think in terms of ready, AIM, AIM, AIM, fire instead of ready, fire. And I think there is a balance to be reached here. I want to continue to take risks and enjoy life; yet I also want to be mindful of the consequences of the risks I’m taking.

Thus, when I pack for a trip, my kit looks much different than it used to do. The blood pressure medication plus tea tree oil or Thieves oil must travel with me; a few snacks, neck pillow, noise cancelling headphones, underwear and toothbrush need to be handy at all times. I like printed copies of all tickets and confirmations for hotels, etc. I don’t think I’m being anal as much as being thoughtful and careful that the things I need are in place.

But, I still enjoy the risks. A good example: I’ve never thought of myself as a strong swimmer. Basically I’m self-taught, so use something of a crawl without letting my head go under water most of the time. Now that I live by the sea part of the year, I enjoy swimming. But it’s only been in the last year that I’ve allowed myself to swim directly out into the sea instead of swimming along the shore so I knew my feet could touch the seabed at any moment if I felt panicked or in trouble in any way. These days I’m happily swimming straight away from the shore.

I do pay attention to conditions: is the sea rough today? Are the waves coming in strongly, or from a direction? Does the wind make the waves choppier? I subconsciously calculate these factors as I decide how far away from land I’ll go…aim, aim, aim. On a rough day, the first swim may be a short one so I can know I’ll find my way back to shore with no surprises. And I do enjoy the idea of giving myself to the sea and becoming one with it in a way that staying anchored to the shore will never give me. While I take a mild risk, I soften that risk by keeping my mind fixed on the variables…I aim a bit more than I used to do.

I’ve also mentioned that I’m getting better at finding rest points. Yard work is still something I enjoy; just not in large doses! I learned from my grandfather that there’s nothing wrong with rest periods when working. A year ago, my back was really bothering me after a very difficult work trip with some bodywork that stirred the old injury and I could barely move. I decided that if it was going to hurt all the time anyway, I might as well try to ‘work it out’. Thus, I reset a patio of about 150 pavers weighing about 25—30 pounds each. As I dug them up, added foundation to bring up the level of the patio, and releveled the entire project, I estimate I moved each block about 5 times…by my calculation I think I moved one ton of blocks! And after, my back didn’t feel worse, but I felt better for the achievement.

I think this is a tricky balancing act. As we get older, many of us get a bit more timid. I’m reframing that timidity into conscious evaluation of circumstances so that I decide how far I want to dip into risky behavior. I haven’t given up on risky; I just want to monitor the quality of risk I choose. And I’m enjoying life by finding risks that make me feel alive but don’t kill me!

Am I aging gracefully? Probably not: I find I’m crankier, I enjoy solitude much more each year, and my old injuries can sometimes rear up and cause grief. Yet, I’m still traveling, I’m still working on various projects, and I’m still looking to maintain that balance that says ‘aim’ while remembering a bit of risk is OK. I think we either decide to keep expanding, or we’re shrinking. I’m not ready to shrink.

Updates!

I’m aware that in retirement, I get less and less done, and it takes more and more time. I rather like this arrangement! However, it seems appropriate to let folks know what’s happening in my world.

First, my newest and hopefully final book is now available on Amazon: Finding and Sharing Resilience: Coping in a Crazy World is written for not only bodyworkers and those who may be going through a series of CORE sessions, but is actually written primarily for everyone! It’s my intention with this book to share the principles of each of my five sessions with the rationale for each session and its goals. Then I hope to offer ways one can use those principles in daily life to create a healthier and happier life first for self, then sharing the information with those around you.

I do believe the world has gotten crazy, and in some ways am happy I’m closer to the end of my life. Yet, I still want to be productive and joyful about my world, and in this book I share ways I believe I’m achieving this, and ways I think you can also find more resilience. Through modified blueprints, some science, some intuition, some affirmations, some movement ideas, and takeaway ideas, I believe we can all find more enthusiasm for our lives, even when they seem pretty crazy. I hope you’ll have a look! Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=finding+and+sharing+resilience&i=stripbooks&crid=1IC3MO7F800C1&sprefix=finding+and+sharing%2Cstripbooks%2C141&ref=nb_sb_ss_fb_1_19

Next, soon I’ll leave for Crete again, where I’ll spend the next two months. In that time I may begin working on a small handbook about stretches in ways that most of us don’t think of stretching. And happily for me, I hope to work with my 14 year old grandson as illustrator! So excited about this upcoming project.

And today I’m setting in motion the addition to the website of two courses in Crete this November: CORE III/IV, by invitation, and Maturity: the MasterClass, available to those who have taken CORE II or above. I offered this course last year in Scotland and it was well received. If you’d like a fall retreat to beautiful Sitia, Crete, please consider joining me! Limited to 6 participants, and will be on the web soon. I’m teaching far less (most of us are taking a large breath right now in terms of courses) and these two are basically tooled for those who have already received trainings.

Healthwise, I’ve had some severe ups and downs..the last year my body has wanted to betray me, but I’m happy to report that with lots of stretching and attention to what’s going on, I’m feeling quite good these days! I believe I’ll stick around a bit longer! So this isn’t quite a ‘going out of business’ sale, but if you’re interested in working with me, this may be the time.

Wishing all blessings, hopes for success and joy in your worlds, and may you find and share resilience in your own worlds.